The Day I Died
by Blood on a Rose
Summary: AU BxE: Bella Swan moves to Forks and meets Edward Cullen, a boy who loves her for who she is, but will James, the first person to befriend her, ruin it all at an end-of-summer party? *M for rape theme, not romanticized. All human. Oneshot, 5 drafts*
1. Draft 1: April 11, 2008

**A/N: **This is the first draft(really rough people!) for the short story I'm doing for my english class. It is sort of a fanfic, so I thought I'd post it on here so y'all could enjoy it, and give me feedback! I'll put each new draft as a new chapter, so that y'all can see my writing process, and see how great I can make it at the end, haha. I really like the title, but I am completely open for suggestions. Oh, and it's in Bella's POV.

* * *

September 13th, over 18 years ago. That was when it all started; that was when _I_ started.

My first breaths were taken here in Forks, and my last ones would be too. I guess I should

begin with the events that led up to this moment. One year ago I moved to Washington to

live with my dad after my mom remarried, and needed to spend time supporting her

husband in his amateur baseball career. I didn't like Forks at all when I first moved here;

it was too green—an alien country after living in Phoenix for most of my life. But on my

first day of school at Forks High I met _him_: the bronze-haired, tall, graceful, body of a

Greek god boy. My first glimpse of him was in the cafeteria at lunch; then in biology I

was ecstatic to find that he was the only one in class without a lab partner. It dazzled my

eyes just to look at him, and during that first biology class I blushed a _lot_. After

discovering multiple things we had in common we quickly became more than friends,

and we were introduced to each others families. My dad Charlie was never very touchy-

feely even with me, but to say that he wasn't overly fond of Edward would be an

understatement. Edward's parents definitely brought him up to be a gentleman though,

and so he was always extremely polite to everyone, even if they didn't deserve it. Charlie

mostly tried to ignore us when we were at the house, because he wasn't very happy if he

had to talk directly to Edward, and he tried to make me happy which he knew meant

being civil to Edward. But Edward's family welcomed me with open arms. One of his

sisters immediately hugged me, and then started talking rapidly to Edward.

"Oh, you are so right, Edward! She's beautiful, and she smells really good too!"

I blushed furiously, while beside me Edward hung his head and shook it sadly, but the

effect was ruined by the huge grin he was wearing.

"Alice, don't scare the poor girl." Carlisle, Edward's father, admonished his daughter.

"Sorry!" She said to me. "I'm just so excited! I'm going to go find Rose!"

All 4'10 of her skipped off, and my jaw dropped at the sheer gracefulness with which the

whole Cullen family was apparently bestowed with. I myself could not walk across a flat

surface without tripping multiple times.

Edward's mother, Esme, gave me a tour of their 3-story Victorian mansion, which of

course with Carlisle being a doctor they could aptly afford. Along the way I met the rest

of Edward's siblings: Emmett is the big brother of the family. I thought he was funny,

while he thought I was funny. Rosalie is Emmett's wife, and despite her long blonde

locks, and obvious high maintenance personality, she surprised me by being an auto-

phile. I met her while on a tour of the Cullen garage in which we found her working on

Edward's Volvo. Jasper is Alice's husband, and Rosalie's twin. He looks more like a

brooding movie star than anyone should have a right to.

One reaction to our relationship did come as a shock though; at least to me. I could tell

the entire female percentage of Forks High was jealous that I was the one Edward Cullen

finally picked, and I knew that a few of the guys were jealous that Edward got me, but the

first person I met when I arrived at Forks High had an entirely uncalled for, and irritating

habit of asking me out every chance he got. This happened to be every time Edward was

out of earshot, or during the last period when I had gym and Edward had Spanish.

James jokingly called himself the "friendly stalker", but it creeped me out when he would

say it; especially since he only said it to me, and he only said it when Edward wasn't

around. I always held hands with Edward, even on the school grounds, and sometimes I

would see James shooting us dirty looks. If looks could kill, James would've killed

Edward a few dozen times already. Anytime James would creep me out I would squeeze

Edward's hand, and he would put his arm around me comfortingly.

A few months went by, and at the end of every school day, when Edward was driving me

home, I would sigh with relief that James hadn't asked me out again. He hadn't even

talked to me until it was almost time to graduate. I was rushing to lunch after Spanish let

out late, when James tapped me on the shoulder.

"Bella?" He asked, looking nervous.

"Yeah?" I sighed. _Stupid Isabella,_ I thought, _why would you think he'd given up?_

"I'm sorry for acting like such an idiot lately." He was looking at a spot just over my left

shoulder. "About you and Edward I mean."

I nodded slowly. Where was this conversation going exactly?

He handed me an envelope. "This is for you and Edward. It's just a little post-

graduation/early summer party I'm having. Nothing big or scary."

I nodded, a little stiffly, and he gave me a timid smile.

"Well, thanks for the invite. I gotta go to lunch, Edward will get worried if I'm too late."

Before he could say anything else I ran like the devil until I arrived at the lunch table in

the cafeteria, and sat in my regular seat.

Edward looked at me inquiringly, but I waved him off as I tried to regulate my breathing.

I held the envelope in both my hands, and tried to read the illegible scrawl.

I finally made it out:_**Isabella Swan & Edward Cullen**__._ _Ok, so it's to both of us, that's _

_nice_, I thought. Edward leaned over to read it with me as I pulled the card out. Inside it

was the invitation to the party; the date, time, etc.

I looked up at Edward. "What do you think?"

"I think he finally realized that I'm not going to leave you just because he's persistent."

I smiled, and Edward answered with my favorite grin before kissing the top of my head.

Graduation came and went, and before I knew it it was time for James' party. After

buttoning my jeans I reached for my favorite shirt: dark blue, sleeveless, with eyelet lace.

I pulled my long, straight, dark brown hair into a loose ponytail, and then grabbed a

jacket as I headed downstairs.

"I'm going dad." I peeked into the living room where Charlie was watching sports.

"Ok Bells, have fun, but don't stay out too late."

"Ok."

A faint knock came from the direction of the front door, and I opened it to find Edward

waiting for me.

"Ready to go?" He asked me.

"Yep."

He took my hand, and opened the door for me like always when we got to the Volvo. We

drove in a comfortable silence to James' house which was on the outskirts of Forks in a

heavily wooded area. As soon as we knocked on the front door James opened it, and was

obviously happy to see us both there.

"Hey guys! Thanks for coming."

"Uh, yeah. I'm sure it'll be loads of fun."

Edward noticed the lack of enthusiasm in my voice, and he squeezed my hand gently.

"Well, come in and make yourselves at home!" James said, smiling widely.

We mingled with a few people before I noticed that I didn't really know anybody here.

None of the people I usually hung out with at school were invited apparently.

"Hey, you guys thirsty?" James suddenly appeared at my side.

Edward and I nodded, and the two cups James was holding were handed to us. We sipped

our drinks in silence for a while, and then Edward made a weird face.

"What's wrong? Are you feeling ok?" I asked in concern.

"I feel strange." He said. "I think I need some fresh air."

"You don't look so great. Maybe we should just go home."

James pushed his way through the crowd of people to where we were sitting.

"Did I hear you guys say you were going home? But the party just started!"

"Edward's feeling a little under the weather." I informed him.

"Do you both have to leave?" He looked depressed at the thought.

"We came together, and I should probably drive him home."

"I saw Angela and Ben over there just a second ago, so if you wanted to stay a little

longer Bella you could probably catch a ride back home with them."

"I'll be fine Bella. Go have fun with Angela. I know you probably want to spend some

girl time with her."

"Are you sure?" I asked, and he nodded. "Ok, but expect my call in a few minutes."

He got to his feet, and lurched out the front door. I watched him close the door before I

turned to James.

"I just saw Angela with Ben over here."

I walked after him as he led the way through the crowd, but I didn't see my best girl

friend or her boyfriend anywhere.

"I think I saw her go through here." He said.

I was beginning to feel uneasy as we went through a door. Thinking it was another living

area, I was confused when we were suddenly in an office. Someone had started music

outside, and I could hear the cheers of the crowd. It was dark with only the moonlight

streaming through a window to give any light. My vision started to get hazy. _This is _

_weird_, I thought. James pushed me aside and I heard the lock click on the door.

"You have no idea how long I've been planning this." He said.

I opened my mouth to ask him what he was talking about, but suddenly he was kissing

me, and I felt myself fall backwards onto the floor. Now my back hurt, my vision was

getting dark around the edges, and James' hands were getting way too friendly.

"No. Stop." I mumbled.

He made shushing noises as he pushed my shirt up, and ran his hands over my midriff. I

tried to protest again, but I couldn't form the words. My mind was clouded, but I finally

realized what he was doing when our clothes disappeared. I gathered in a breath to

scream, but his hand covered my mouth. With one hand he put my wrists behind my back

and tied them with something. My legs were already pinned by his body weight, and I

started to cry. I couldn't do anything else. Nobody was coming to help me. How I wished

that I had gone with Edward when he left. I cried harder when I thought of him; he would

never want to touch me again. I already felt dirty, unclean. Aware of everything James

was doing now, I shut myself down. I wouldn't think about it. He wouldn't get any

response out of me; I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. So in my mind I floated away.

I imagined that I had left with Edward, and that his sickness had all been an act so we

could leave early. The only sounds I could hear were the sounds of the Volvo as we raced

back to my house. Then I was jolted back to reality as James roughly gripped my chin.

"Well I hope you enjoyed it. I know I did." I could hear the smugness in his voice. He

brutally punched me in the jaw, and I saw stars. I felt him release me and heard him walk

back to the door. He unlocked it, and before he left he said one last thing to me.

"He'll never want you again." He said confidently, and then everything went black.

That was over 3 months ago, and no one had seen him since. Charlie was the chief of

police, and he had every person on the force looking for James, but to no avail. So here I

sat in my room, waiting for justice, hoping to be healed of the pain. James was wrong,

Edward still wanted me, but I couldn't bear to let anyone touch me again. It happened

months ago, but it was still fresh in my mind. After I came to, I found a phone and called

Alice. We had become close friends, and I knew that she would take care of me. I didn't

want to face Edward so soon after it happened; I knew I wouldn't be able to handle it.

Edward blamed himself for what happened to me; he thought it was his fault since he left

me, but I knew it was my fault. It was always my fault; everything I did was wrong, and

now it was hurting other people. The only solution I could think of to end the pain, and

the suffering of everyone else, was to end my life. I wouldn't cause anyone any more

pain, and I would be free; I would be clean again. As I contemplated the best way to

die, I heard footsteps outside my room, and then someone knocked on my door.

"Bella, it's me. I'm coming in." Edward's voice drifted through me like a cold breeze on

a hot summer's day. Not altogether unpleasant, just enough to give you chills.

He opened the door, and found me sitting on the floor by my window; my face streaked

with the tears that were now always present.

"They found James." He said, and I stiffened. "He's dead, Bella."

"What happened?" I looked at him, and my brow furrowed.

"Charlie said it was probably an accident as there's no evidence of foul play."

_I could live with this_, I thought as I got up and gave Edward a much needed hug; contact we had both been

waiting for for months. I could definitely live with this.

* * *

Ok, so what do y'all think? Criticism is definitely appreciated! Sorry it's double-spaced, but my teacher likes it like that, and I couldn't be bothered to fix it, lol. The Cullens did have a bigger part initially, but then I had to cut them way down for space issues. My teacher set a 7 page limit on it. Stupid 7 page limit, haha. R&R please!


	2. Draft 2: April 17, 2008

September 13th, over 18 years ago; the beginning of my existence. My first breaths were

taken here in Forks, as would my last ones. The events leading up to this moment seemed

mild enough…One year ago I moved back to Washington to live with my dad after my mom

remarried, and went with her new husband to pursue his career in Florida. I didn't like

Forks at all when I first moved here; it was too green—an alien country after living in

Phoenix for most of my life. But on my first day of school at Forks High I met _him_: the

bronze-haired, tall, graceful, body of a Greek god boy. My first glimpse of him was in the

cafeteria at lunch; then in biology I was ecstatic to find that he was the only one in class

without a lab partner. He dazzled me in every way, and during that first biology class I

blushed a _lot_. After discovering multiple things we had in common, we quickly

became more than friends, and introductions to our families were made.

My dad Charlie was never very touchy-feely even with me, but to say that he

wasn't overly fond of Edward would be an understatement. Edward's parents definitely

brought him up to be a gentleman though, and so he was always extremely polite to

everyone, even if they didn't deserve it. Charlie mostly tried to ignore us when we were

at the house, because he wasn't very happy if he had to talk directly to Edward, and he

tried to make me happy which he knew meant being civil to Edward. But Edward's

family welcomed me with open arms. One of his sisters immediately hugged me, and

then started talking rapidly to Edward.

"Oh, you are so right, Edward! She's beautiful, and she smells really good too!"

I blushed furiously, while beside me Edward hung his head and shook it sadly, but the

effect was ruined by the huge grin he was wearing.

"Alice, don't scare the poor girl." Carlisle, Edward's father, admonished his daughter.

"Sorry!" She said to me. "I'm just so excited! I'm going to go find Rose!"

All four feet, ten inches of her skipped off, and my jaw dropped at the sheer

gracefulness with which the whole Cullen family was apparently bestowed with. I myself

could not walk across a flat surface without tripping multiple times.

Edward's mother, Esme, gave me a tour of their 3-story Victorian mansion, which

of course with Carlisle being a doctor they could aptly afford. Along the way I met the

rest of Edward's siblings: Emmett is the big brother of the family. I thought he was

funny, while he thought I was funny. Rosalie is Emmett's wife, and despite her long

blonde locks, and obvious high maintenance personality, she surprised me by being an

auto-phile. I met her while on a tour of the Cullen garage in which we found her working

on Edward's Volvo. Jasper is Alice's husband, and Rosalie's twin. He looks more like a

brooding movie star than anyone should have a right to.

One reaction to our relationship did come as a shock though; at least to me. I

could tell the entire female percentage of Forks High was jealous that I was the one

Edward Cullen finally picked, and I knew that a few of the guys were jealous that

Edward got me, but the first person I met when I arrived at Forks High had an entirely

uncalled for, and irritating, habit of asking me out every chance he got. This happened to

be every time Edward was out of earshot, or during the last period when I had gym and

Edward had Spanish.

James jokingly nicknamed himself the "friendly stalker", but it creeped me out

when he would say it; especially since he only said it to me, and he only said it when

Edward wasn't around. I always held hands with Edward, even on the school grounds,

and sometimes I would see James shooting us dirty looks. If looks could kill, James

would be a murderer. But Edward would put his arm around me comfortingly when

James creeped me out too much.

A few months went by, and at the end of every school day, when Edward was

driving me home, I would sigh with relief that James hadn't asked me out again. He

hadn't even talked to me until it was almost time to graduate. I was rushing to lunch after

Spanish let out late, when James tapped me on the shoulder.

"Bella?" He asked, looking nervous.

"Yeah?" I sighed. _Stupid! _I thought, _why would you think he'd given up?_

"I'm sorry for acting like such an idiot lately." He was looking at a spot just over my left

shoulder. "About you and Edward I mean."

He handed me an envelope. "This is for you and Edward. It's just a little post-

graduation/early summer party I'm having. Nothing big or scary."

I nodded, a little stiffly, and he gave me a timid smile.

"Well, thanks for the invite. I gotta go to lunch, Edward will get worried if I'm too late."

Before he could say anything else I ran like the devil until I arrived at the lunch table in

the cafeteria, and sat in my regular seat.

Edward looked at me inquiringly, but I waved him off as I tried to regulate my breathing.

I held the envelope in both my hands, and finally made out the illegible scrawl. _Ok, so it's _

_to both of us, that's nice_, I thought. Edward leaned over to read it with me as I pulled the

card out. Inside it was the invitation to the party: the date, time, etc.

I looked up at Edward. "What do you think?"

"I think he finally realized that I'm not going to leave you just because he's persistent."

I smiled, and Edward answered with my favorite grin before kissing the top of my head.

Graduation came and went, and before I knew it it was time for James' party.

After buttoning my jeans I reached for my favorite shirt: dark blue, sleeveless, with eyelet

lace. I pulled my long, straight, dark brown hair into a loose ponytail, and then grabbed a

jacket as I headed downstairs. Forks was still cold and rainy, even in the summer.

"I'm going dad." I peeked into the living room where Charlie was watching sports.

"Ok Bells, have fun, but don't stay out too late."

"Ok."

A faint knock came from the direction of the front door, and I opened it to find Edward.

"Ready to go?" He asked me.

"Yep."

He took my hand, and opened the door for me like always when we got to the Volvo. We

drove in comfortable silence to James' house which was on the outskirts of Forks in a

heavily wooded area. As soon as we knocked on the front door James opened it, and was

obviously happy to see us both there.

"Hey guys! Thanks for coming."

"Uh, yeah. I'm sure it'll be loads of fun."

Edward noticed the lack of enthusiasm in my voice, and he squeezed my hand gently.

"Well, come in and make yourselves at home!" James said, smiling widely.

We mingled with a few people before I noticed that I didn't really know anybody

here. None of the people I usually hung out with at school were invited apparently.

"Hey, you guys thirsty?" James suddenly appeared at my side.

Edward and I nodded, and the two cups James was holding were handed to us. We sipped

our drinks in silence for a while, and then Edward made a weird face.

"What's wrong? Are you feeling ok?" I asked in concern.

"I feel strange." He said. "I think I need some fresh air."

"You don't look so great. Maybe we should just go home."

James pushed his way through the crowd of people to where we were sitting.

"Did I hear you guys say you were going home? But the party just started!"

"Edward's feeling a little under the weather." I informed him.

"Do you both have to leave?" He looked depressed at the thought.

"We came together, and I should probably drive him home."

"I saw Angela and Ben over there just a second ago, so if you wanted to stay a little

longer Bella you could probably catch a ride back home with them."

"I'll be fine Bella. Go have fun with Angela. I know you probably want to spend some

girl time with her."

"Are you sure?" I asked, and he nodded. "Ok, but expect my call in a few minutes."

Edward got to his feet, and lurched out the front door. I watched him close the door

before I turned to James.

"I just saw Angela with Ben over here."

I walked after him as he led the way through the crowd, but I didn't see my best girl

friend or her boyfriend anywhere.

"I think I saw her go through here." He said.

I was beginning to feel uneasy as we went through a door. Thinking it was

another living area, I was confused when we were suddenly in an office. Someone had

started music outside, and I could hear the cheers of the crowd. It was dark with only the

moonlight streaming through a window to give any light. My vision started to get hazy.

_This is weird_, I thought as James pushed me aside and I heard the lock click on the door.

"You have no idea how long I've been planning this." He said.

I opened my mouth to ask him what he was talking about, but suddenly his lips were on

mine, and I felt myself fall backwards onto the floor. Now my back hurt, my vision

was getting dark around the edges, and James' hands were getting way too friendly.

"No. Stop." I mumbled.

He made shushing noises as he pushed my shirt up, and greedily ran his hands

over my skin. I tried to protest again, but I couldn't form the words. My head was

throbbing, but my clouded mind finally caught up with his actions when I realized just

how much skin contact was going on. I gathered in a breath to scream, but his hand

covered my mouth. With his left hand he grabbed both of my wrists and held them high

above my head. My legs were already pinned by his body weight, and I started to cry. I

couldn't do anything else. Nobody was coming to help me.

How I wished that I had gone with Edward when he left. I cried harder when I

thought of him; he would never want to touch me again. I already felt dirty, and unclean

as my body protested in ways my words could not. The pain crashed into me over and

over in waves of every kind of torment.

Aware of everything James was doing now, I shut myself down. I wouldn't think

about it. He wouldn't get any response out of me; I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. So

in my mind I floated away. I imagined that I had left with Edward, and that his sickness

had all been an act so we could leave early. The only sounds I could hear were the sounds

of the Volvo as we raced back to my house. Then I was jolted back to reality as James

roughly gripped my chin.

"Well I hope you enjoyed it. I know I did." I could hear the smugness in his voice. He

brutally punched me in the jaw, and I saw stars. I felt him release me and heard him walk

back to the door. He unlocked it, and before he left he said one last thing to me.

"He'll never want you again." He said confidently, and then everything went black.

That was over 3 months ago, and no one had seen him since. Charlie was the chief

of police, and he had every person on the force looking for James, but to no avail. So here

I sat in my room, waiting for justice, hoping to be healed of the pain. James was wrong,

Edward still wanted me, but I couldn't bear to let anyone touch me again. It happened

months ago, but it was still fresh in my mind. After I came to, I found a phone and called

Edward's sister, Alice. We had become close friends, and I knew that she would take care

of me. I didn't want to face Edward so soon after it happened; I knew I wouldn't be able

to handle it. Edward blamed himself for what happened to me; he thought it was his fault

since he left me, even though his sickness and my wooziness had all been planned by

James, but I knew it was my fault. It was always my fault; everything I did was wrong,

and now it was hurting other people. The only solution I could think of to end the pain,

and the suffering of everyone else, was to end my life. I wouldn't cause anyone any more

pain, and I would be free; I would be clean again. The scars from James' attack, both

mental and physical, would always be with me, and I wasn't sure if I could handle it.

When Alice brought me home that night I had showered for over 3 hours. I

scrubbed at my skin until it was raw, but it wasn't until the water started to turn red with

my blood that I realized what I was doing.

I shuddered at the reminder as I sat on my bed in my most comfortable pair of

sweats, and combed my hair with shaking hands. My insides ached at the vivid memory.

"Bella?" I heard Edward's voice, muffled by my bedroom door. "Can I come in?"

"Sure."

Edward, the boy who still loved me against all odds, entered my room, and pulled

the old rocking chair by my window over to my bed so he could sit near me, but still far

enough away that I wouldn't freak out.

"They found James." He gazed into my eyes, gauging my reactions, my emotions.

"Where? What happened?" I asked as I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

"It looks like he committed suicide. Pieces of his car washed up on First Beach."

"He…killed himself by driving off the cliff?" My voice felt raw, and scratchy.

"Yes." He gave me a grim smile. "_Some_ justice was served, even if he deserved much

worse for every thing he put you through."

"I'm just glad it's over. We never have to worry about him again."

Finally tears of happiness spilled over my cheeks, and I smiled. I hadn't been able

to be truly happy for months, everything had been tainted by James. But now he was

gone, and I could live my life again.

As I rested my hand on Edward's, I resolved to never again let him see me cry

over anything James had done. Thanks to James' cowardice, or guilt, or maybe someone

else's fury at what he had done to me, I wasn't screaming in silence any more.

* * *

Mwhuahaha. I was able to convince my teacher to give me another page, so I am very happy, yup yup. I think it really helped the development of Bella's character more. You know the drill, R&R, critique, whatever. I really want to make this an awesome short story, so any help is greatly appreciated!


	3. Draft 3: April 29, 2008

Here's the most recent draft, new and revamped(haha)! I don't feel particularly ecstatic about the introduction as it is right now, so expect an awesome new one when I update this again, which will probably be in a little while. lol

* * *

September 13th, 18 years ago was the beginning of my existence. My first breaths were

taken here in Forks, as would my last ones. The events leading up to this moment seemed

mild enough…One year ago I moved back to Washington to live with my dad after my

mom remarried, and went with her new husband to pursue his career in Florida. I didn't

like Forks at all when I first moved here; it was too green—an alien country after living

in Phoenix for most of my life. But on my first day of Forks High I glimpsed _him_ in the

cafeteria at lunch; then in biology I was ecstatic to find that he was the only one in class

without a lab partner. I was enthralled with him from the moment I first saw him, and

being the freak I am, I blushed a lot those first few days. The chemistry we had together

couldn't be ignored, and soon we found ourselves being introduced to the others family.

My dad, Charlie, isn't the kind of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, but he

made sure Edward and I both understood that Edward wasn't welcome. Edward was

brought up to be a gentleman though, and so he was always extremely polite to everyone,

whether they deserved it or not.

I never quite learned the reasoning behind Charlie's asinine assessment of

Edward or why he even felt like he was entitled to it. After all, I moved here of my own

free will, not because Charlie was a great dad during my childhood. But Edward's family

welcomed me with open arms. Upon my arrival at their house one of his sisters

immediately hugged me, and then started talking rapidly to Edward.

"Oh, you are so right, Edward! She's beautiful, and she smells really good too!"

I blushed furiously, while beside me Edward hung his head and shook it sadly, but

the effect was ruined by the huge grin he was wearing.

"Alice, don't scare the poor girl." Carlisle, Edward's father, admonished his daughter.

"Sorry!" She said to me. "I'm just so excited! I'm going to go find Rose!"

All four feet, ten inches of her skipped off, and my jaw dropped at the sheer

elegance with which the whole Cullen family was apparently bestowed with. _I_ can't even

walk across a flat surface without tripping multiple times, and sustaining colorful bruises.

Edward's whole family was wonderful, and his mother, Esme, gave me a tour of

their amazing 3-story Victorian house, which they could aptly afford with Carlisle being

a doctor. While on the tour I met the rest of Edward's siblings: Emmett is the protective,

funny, big brother. Rosalie, Emmett's wife, is the most beautiful person I have ever seen,

but what surprised me was that, despite her obvious high maintenance personality, we

found her in the high-tech, multiple car, garage working on Edward's Volvo. I didn't

learn much about Alice's husband, Jasper, except that he's like a brooding movie star.

The first person I met at school was James. He had light-brown hair, and

nondescript features, but he was an overall nice guy. I considered him a good friend until

he started asking me out. _After_ I had started dating Edward. Mostly a jealousy thing I

think, but he kept pestering me every chance he got, and pretty quickly whatever I had

liked about him had turned sour. Then his persistence abruptly stopped one day.

A few months went by, and at the end of every school day, when Edward was

driving me home, I would sigh with relief that James hadn't asked me out again. He

hadn't even talked to me until I was standing alone on the edge of the dance floor at

prom(which Edward had insisted we go to, much to my horrific dismay).

"Bella?" James appeared at my elbow, and he seemed nervous.

"Yeah?" I sighed, feeling the disdain bubble inside me at what I knew was coming.

"I'm really sorry about the way I've been acting towards you and Edward."

_Wow, something had gotten through that thick head of his!_ I thought, surprised.

James smoothly handed me an envelope the moment before Edward arrived behind me.

"It's just a little get-together I'm having at my house in a couple weeks, nothing scary."

He smiled at me before leaving me alone with Edward, who handed me my drink.

"I think he _finally_ realized just how much I love you." Edward whispered in my ear.

My heart spluttered at his breath in my ear and, chuckling, he kissed the top of my head.

Graduation came and went, and before I knew it it was time for James' party.

After buttoning my jeans I reached for my favorite shirt: dark blue, sleeveless, with eyelet

lace. I pulled my long, straight, dark brown hair into a loose ponytail, and then grabbed a

jacket as I headed downstairs. Forks was still cold and rainy, even in the summer.

"I'm going dad." I peeked into the living room where Charlie was watching sports.

"Ok Bells, have fun, but don't stay out too late."

I was agreeing when a knock came from the direction of the door, and I headed out.

"Ready to go?" Edward asked me, his hair damp from the light rain falling outside.

"Yep."

He took my hand, and opened the door for me like always when we got to the Volvo. We

drove in comfortable silence to James' house which was on the outskirts of Forks in a

heavily wooded area. As soon as we knocked on the front door James opened it, and was

obviously happy to see us both there.

"Hey guys! Thanks for coming."

"Uh, yeah. I'm sure it'll be loads of fun."

Edward noticed the lack of enthusiasm in my voice, and he squeezed my hand gently.

"Well, come in and make yourselves at home!" James said, smiling widely.

We mingled with a few people before I noticed that I didn't really know anybody

here. None of the people I usually hung out with at school were invited apparently.

"Hey, you guys thirsty?" James suddenly appeared at my side.

Edward and I nodded, and the two cups James was holding were handed to us.

We sipped our drinks in silence for a while, and then Edward made a weird face.

"What's wrong? Are you feeling ok?" I asked in concern.

"I feel strange." He said. "I think I need some fresh air."

"You don't look so great. Maybe we should just go home."

James pushed his way through the crowd of people to where we were sitting.

"Did I hear you guys say you were going home? But the party just started!"

"Edward's feeling a little under the weather." I informed him.

"Do you both have to leave?" He looked depressed at the thought.

"We came together, and I should probably drive him home."

"I saw Angela and Ben over there just a second ago, so if you wanted to stay a little

longer Bella you could probably catch a ride back home with them."

"I'll be fine Bella. Go have fun with Angela. I know you probably want to spend some

girl time with her."

"Are you sure?" I asked, and he nodded. "Ok, but expect my call in a few minutes."

Edward got to his feet, and lurched like a drunken man outside. I watched him close the

door before I turned to James.

"I just saw Angela with Ben over here."

I walked after him as he led the way through the crowd, but I didn't see my best girl

friend or her boyfriend anywhere.

I was beginning to feel uneasy as we went through a door. Thinking it was

another living area, I was confused when we were suddenly in an office. Someone had

started music outside, and I could hear the cheers of the crowd. It was dark with only the

moonlight streaming through a window to give any light. My vision started to get hazy.

_This is weird_, I thought as James pushed me aside and I heard the lock click on the door.

"You have no idea how long I've been planning this, waited for this moment." He said.

I opened my mouth to ask him what he was talking about, but suddenly his lips

found mine, and I felt myself fall backwards onto the floor. Now my back hurt, my vision

was getting dark around the edges, and James' hands were getting way too friendly.

"No. Stop." I mumbled.

He made shushing noises as he pushed my shirt up, and greedily ran his hands

over my skin. I tried to protest again, but I couldn't form the words. My head was

throbbing, but my clouded mind finally caught up with his actions when I realized just

how much skin contact was going on. I gathered in a breath to scream, but his hand

covered my mouth. With his left hand he grabbed both of my wrists and held them high

above my head. My legs were already pinned by his body weight, and I started to cry. I

couldn't do anything else. Nobody was coming to help me.

How I wished that I had gone with Edward when he left. I cried harder when I

thought of him; he would never want to touch me again. I already felt dirty, and unclean

as my body protested in ways my words could not. The pain crashed into me over and

over in waves of every kind of torment.

Aware of everything James was doing now, I shut myself down. I wouldn't think

about it. He wouldn't get any response out of me; I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. So

in my mind I floated away. I imagined that I had left with Edward, and that his sickness

had all been an act so we could leave early. The only sounds I could hear were the sounds

of the Volvo as we raced back to my house. Then I was jolted back to reality as James

roughly gripped my chin.

"Well I hope you enjoyed it. I know I did." I could hear the smugness in his voice. He

brutally punched me in the jaw, and I saw stars, barely aware of the damage his class ring

had done to my face. I felt him release me and heard him walk back to the door. He

unlocked it, and before he left he said one last thing to me.

"He'll never want you again." He said confidently, and then everything went black.

That was over 3 months ago, and no one had seen him since. Charlie was the chief

of police, and he had every person on the force looking for James, but to no avail. So here

I sat in my room, waiting for justice, hoping to be healed of the pain. James was wrong,

Edward still wanted me, but I couldn't bear to let anyone touch me again. It happened

months ago, but it was still fresh in my mind: After I came to, I found a phone and called

Edward's sister, Alice. We had become close friends, and I knew that she would take care

of me. I didn't want to face Edward so soon after it happened; I knew I wouldn't be able

to handle it. Edward blamed himself for what happened to me; he thought it was his fault

since he left me, even though his sickness and my wooziness had all been planned by

James, but I knew it was my fault. It was always my fault; everything I did was wrong,

and now it was hurting other people. The only solution I could think of to end the pain,

and the suffering of everyone else, was to end my life. I wouldn't cause anyone any more

pain, and I would be free; I would be clean again. The scars from James' attack, both

mental and physical, would always be with me, and I wasn't sure if I could handle it.

When Alice brought me home that night I had showered for over 3 hours. I

scrubbed at my skin until it was raw, but it wasn't until the water started to turn red with

my blood that I realized what I was doing.

I shuddered at the reminder as I sat on my bed in my most comfortable pair of

sweats, and combed my hair with shaking hands. My insides ached at the vivid memory.

"Bella?" I heard Edward's voice, muffled by my bedroom door. "Can I come in?"

"Sure."

Edward, the boy who still loved me, the reason I still endured life, entered my

room, and pulled the old rocking chair by my window over to my bed so he could sit near

me, but still far enough away that I wouldn't freak out at his proximity.

"They found James." He gazed into my eyes, gauging my reactions, my emotions.

"Where? What happened?" I asked as I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

"It looks like he committed suicide. Pieces of his car washed up on First Beach."

"He…killed himself by driving off the cliff?" My voice felt raw, and scratchy.

"Yes." He gave me a grim smile. "_Some_ justice was served, even if he deserved much

worse for every thing he put you through."

"I'm just glad it's over. We never have to worry about him again."

Finally tears of happiness spilled over my cheeks, and I smiled. I hadn't been able

to be truly happy for months, everything had been tainted by James. But now he was

gone, and I could live my life again, freely, and without his presence looming over me.

As I tentatively gripped Edward's hand in mine, I resolved to never again let him

see me cry over anything James had done. Thanks to James' cowardice, or guilt, or

maybe someone else's fury at what he had done to me or them, I wasn't screaming in silence any more.


	4. Draft 4: April 29, 2008

My hands clenched into fists as I pondered my demise. When had it happened, the day

that I died? I clearly remember the song outside the door, the urgent touch that broke me

as I laid there on the floor. Praying silently for help that would never come. I never

thought of death before moving back to Forks one year ago. Love was also something I

never thought about, at least not in the way I know it to be now, but I think of both often,

and now they're so closely intertwined, two branches of reality, this is how I live my life.

I didn't like Forks at all when I first moved here; it was too green—an alien

country after living in Phoenix for most of my life. But on my first day of Forks High my

life changed after seeing _him_ in the cafeteria at lunch. In biology I was ecstatic to find

that he was the only one in class without a lab partner. I was enthralled with him from the

moment I first saw him, and he seemed to like me back. The chemistry we had together

couldn't be ignored, and soon we found ourselves being introduced to the others family.

My dad, Charlie, isn't the kind of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, but he

made sure Edward and I both understood that Edward wasn't welcome. Edward was

brought up to be a gentleman though, and so he was always extremely polite to everyone,

whether they deserved it or not.

I never quite learned the reasoning behind Charlie's asinine assessment of

Edward or why he even felt like he was entitled to it. After all, I moved here of my own

free will, not because Charlie was a great dad during my childhood. But Edward's family

welcomed me with open arms. Upon my arrival at their house one of his sisters

immediately hugged me, and then started talking rapidly to Edward.

"Oh, you are so right, Edward! She's beautiful, and she smells really good too!"

I blushed furiously, while beside me Edward hung his head and shook it sadly, but

the effect was ruined by the huge grin he was wearing.

"Alice, don't scare the poor girl." Carlisle, Edward's father, admonished his daughter.

"Sorry!" She said to me. "I'm just so excited! I'm going to go find Rose!"

All four feet, ten inches of her skipped off, and my jaw dropped at the sheer

elegance with which the whole Cullen family was apparently bestowed with. _I_ can't even

walk across a flat surface without tripping multiple times, and sustaining colorful bruises.

Edward's whole family was wonderful, and his mother, Esme, gave me a tour of

their amazing 3-story Victorian house, which they could aptly afford with Carlisle being

a doctor. While on the tour I met the rest of Edward's siblings: Emmett is the protective,

funny, big brother. Rosalie, Emmett's wife, is the most beautiful person I have ever seen,

but what surprised me was that, despite her obvious high maintenance personality, we

found her in the high-tech, multiple car, garage working on Edward's Volvo. I didn't

learn much about Alice's husband, Jasper, except that he's like a brooding movie star.

The first person I met at school was James. He had light-brown hair, and

nondescript features, but he was an overall nice guy. I considered him a good friend until

he started asking me out. _After_ I had started dating Edward. Mostly a jealousy thing I

think, but he kept pestering me every chance he got, and pretty quickly whatever I had

liked about him had turned sour. Then his persistence abruptly stopped one day.

A few months went by, and at the end of every school day, when Edward was

driving me home, I would sigh with relief that James hadn't asked me out again. He

hadn't even talked to me until I was standing alone on the edge of the dance floor at

prom(which Edward had insisted we go to, much to my horrific dismay).

"Bella?" James appeared at my elbow, and he seemed nervous.

"Yeah?" I sighed, feeling the disdain bubble inside me at what I knew was coming.

"I'm really sorry about the way I've been acting towards you and Edward."

_Wow, something had gotten through that thick head of his!_ I thought, surprised.

James smoothly handed me an envelope the moment before Edward arrived behind me.

"It's just a little get-together I'm having at my house in a couple weeks, nothing scary."

He smiled at me before leaving me alone with Edward, who handed me my drink.

"I think he _finally_ realized just how much I love you." Edward whispered in my ear.

My heart spluttered at his breath in my ear and, chuckling, he kissed the top of my head.

Graduation came and went, and before I knew it it was time for James' party.

After buttoning my jeans I reached for my favorite shirt: dark blue, sleeveless, with eyelet

lace. I pulled my long, straight, dark brown hair into a loose ponytail, and then grabbed a

jacket as I headed downstairs. Forks was still cold and rainy, even in the summer.

"I'm going dad." I peeked into the living room where Charlie was watching sports.

"Ok Bells, have fun, but don't stay out too late."

I was agreeing when a knock came from the direction of the door, and I headed out.

"Ready to go?" Edward asked me, his hair damp from the light rain falling outside.

"Yep."

He took my hand, and opened the door for me like always when arrived at the

Volvo. We drove in comfortable silence to James' house which was on the outskirts of

Forks in a heavily wooded area. As soon as we knocked on the front door James opened

it, and was obviously happy to see us both there.

"Hey guys! Thanks for coming."

"Uh, yeah. I'm sure it'll be loads of fun."

Edward noticed the lack of enthusiasm in my voice, and he squeezed my hand gently.

"Well, come in and make yourselves at home!" James said, smiling widely.

We mingled with a few people before I noticed that I didn't really know anybody

here. None of the people I usually hung out with at school were invited apparently.

"Hey, you guys thirsty?" James suddenly appeared at my side.

Edward and I nodded, and the two cups James was holding were handed to us.

We sipped our drinks in silence for a while, and then Edward made a weird face.

"What's wrong? Are you feeling ok?" I asked in concern.

"I feel strange." He said. "I think I need some fresh air."

"You don't look so great. Maybe we should just go home."

James pushed his way through the crowd of people to where we were sitting.

"Did I hear you guys say you were going home? But the party just started!"

"Edward's feeling a little under the weather." I informed him.

"Do you both have to leave?" He looked depressed at the thought.

"We came together, and I should probably drive him home."

"I saw Angela and Ben over there just a second ago, so if you wanted to stay a little

longer Bella you could probably catch a ride back home with them."

"I'll be fine Bella. Go have fun with Angela. I know you probably want to spend some

girl time with her."

"Are you sure?" I asked, and he nodded. "Ok, but expect my call in a few minutes."

Edward got to his feet, and lurched like a drunken man outside. I watched him close the

door before I turned to James.

"I just saw Angela with Ben over here."

I walked after him as he led the way through the crowd, but I didn't see my best girl

friend or her boyfriend anywhere.

I was beginning to feel uneasy as we went through a door. Thinking it was

another living area, I was confused when we were suddenly in an office. Someone had

started music outside, and I could hear the cheers of the crowd. It was dark with only the

moonlight streaming through a window to give any light. My vision started to get hazy.

_This is weird_, I thought as James pushed me aside and I heard the lock click on the door.

"You have no idea how long I've been planning this, waited for this moment." He said.

I opened my mouth to ask him what he was talking about, but suddenly his lips

found mine, and I felt myself fall backwards onto the floor. Now my back hurt, my vision

was getting dark around the edges, and James' hands were getting way too friendly.

"No. Stop." I mumbled.

He made shushing noises as he pushed my shirt up, and greedily ran his hands

over my skin. I tried to protest again, but I couldn't form the words. My head was

throbbing, but my clouded mind finally caught up with his actions when I realized just

how much skin contact was going on. I gathered in a breath to scream, but his hand

covered my mouth. With his left hand he grabbed both of my wrists and held them high

above my head. My legs were already pinned by his body weight, and I started to cry. I

couldn't do anything else. Nobody was coming to help me.

How I wished that I had gone with Edward when he left. I cried harder when I

thought of him; he would never want to touch me again. I already felt dirty, and unclean

as my body protested in ways my words could not. The pain crashed into me over and

over in waves of every kind of torment.

Aware of everything James was doing now, I shut myself down. I wouldn't think

about it. He wouldn't get any response out of me; I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. So

in my mind I floated away. I imagined that I had left with Edward, and that his sickness

had all been an act so we could leave early. The only sounds I could hear were the sounds

of the Volvo as we raced back to my house. Then I was jolted back to reality as James

roughly gripped my chin.

"Well I hope you enjoyed it. I know I did." I could hear the smugness in his voice. He

brutally punched me in the jaw, and I saw stars, barely aware of the damage his class ring

had done to my face. I felt him release me and heard him walk back to the door. He

unlocked it, and before he left he said one last thing to me.

"He'll never want you again." He said confidently, and then everything went black.

That was over 3 months ago, and no one had seen him since. Charlie was the chief

of police, and he had every person on the force looking for James, but to no avail. So here

I sat in my room, waiting for justice, hoping to be healed of the pain. James was wrong,

Edward still wanted me, but I couldn't bear to let anyone touch me again. It happened

months ago, but it was still fresh in my mind: After I came to, I found a phone and called

Edward's sister, Alice. We had become close friends, and I knew that she would take care

of me. I didn't want to see Edward so soon after it happened; I knew I wouldn't be able

to face him. Edward blamed himself for what happened to me; he thought it was his

fault since he left me, even though his sickness and my wooziness had all been planned

by James, but I knew it was my fault. It was always my fault; everything I did was

wrong, and now it was hurting other people. The only solution I could think of to end the

pain, and the suffering of everyone else, was to end my life. I wouldn't cause anyone any

more pain, and I would be free; I would be clean again. The scars from James' attack,

both mental and physical, would always be with me, and I wasn't sure if I could handle it.

When Alice brought me home that night I had showered for over 3 hours. I

scrubbed at my skin until it was raw, but it wasn't until the water started to turn red with

my blood that I realized what I was doing.

I shuddered at the reminder as I sat on my bed in my most comfortable pair of

sweats, and combed my hair with shaking hands. My insides ached at the vivid memory.

"Bella?" I heard Edward's voice, muffled by my bedroom door. "Can I come in?"

"Sure."

Edward, the boy who still loved me, the reason I still endured life, entered my

room, and pulled the old rocking chair by my window over to my bed so he could sit near

me, but still far enough away that I wouldn't freak out at his proximity.

"They found James." He gazed into my eyes, gauging my reactions, my emotions.

"Where? What happened?" I asked as I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

"It looks like he committed suicide. Pieces of his car washed up on First Beach."

"He…killed himself by driving off the cliff?" My voice felt raw, and scratchy.

"Yes." He gave me a grim smile. "_Some_ justice was served, even if he deserved much

worse for every thing he put you through."

The darkness pulled me under, but only for a moment. When I resurfaced all I

saw was Edward's face. I took his hand tentatively, and he looked at me so lovingly, but I

could barely hold his gaze. What does he still see in me? This fragile broken body I

inhabit seems so lost without him, and now I realize he is keeping me alive. Edward is

my reason for living and I know that with his love I can surely live forever.

* * *

Ah, I like this draft a **_lot_**. What do y'all think? I was brainstorming title ideas, and right now I really like: Screaming in Silence, The Day I Died, My Guardian Angel, & The Reason is You. Help me please!


	5. Draft 5: May 8, 2008

**A/N:** So I just realized that I never put up the final draft of this, and I also realize that probably nobody cares, haha, but oh well, here it is :)

* * *

My hands clenched into fists as I pondered my demise. When had it happened, the day that I

died? I clearly remember the song outside the door, the urgent touch that broke me as I lay

there on the floor. Praying silently for help that would never come. I never thought of death

before moving back to Forks one year ago. Love used to also be something I never thought

about, at least not in the way I know it to be now, but these days I think of both often, and

the, _much _too closely, intertwined realities are how I live my life.

I didn't like Forks at all when I first moved here; it was too green—an alien country

after living in Phoenix for most of my life. But on my first day of Forks High my life

changed after seeing _him_ in the cafeteria at lunch. In biology I exceeded ecstasy in finding

that he was the only one in class without a lab partner. He enthralled me from the moment I

first saw him, and the feeling happened to be mutual. The chemistry we had together couldn't

be ignored, and soon we found ourselves being introduced to the others family.

My dad, Charlie, isn't the type to wear his heart on his sleeve, but he made sure that

Edward and I both understood his feelings about our relationship. Though Edward, ever the

exceptional gentleman, was always extremely polite to everyone, whether they deserved it or

not, and even Charlie sometimes had trouble being rude to such benevolence.

I never quite learned the reasoning behind Charlie's asinine assessment of Edward

or why he even felt like he was entitled to it. After all, I moved here of my own free will, not

because Charlie played a vital role during my childhood. But Edward's family welcomed me

with open arms. Upon my arrival at their house one of his sisters immediately hugged me,

and then started talking rapidly to Edward.

"Oh, you are so right, Edward! She's beautiful, and she smells really good too!"

I blushed furiously while beside me Edward hung his head and shook it sadly, but

he ruined the effect by wearing his dazzling, crooked grin.

"Alice, don't scare the poor girl." Carlisle, Edward's father, admonished.

"Sorry!" She said to me. "I'm just so excited! I'm going to go find Rose!"

All four feet, ten inches of her skipped off, and my jaw dropped at the sheer

elegance with which the whole Cullen family was apparently bestowed with. _I_ can't even

walk across a flat surface without tripping multiple times, _and_ sustaining colorful bruises.

Edward's whole family was wonderful, and his mother, Esme, gave me a tour of

their amazing 3-story Victorian house, which they could easily afford with Carlisle's job

as a doctor. While on the tour I met the rest of Edward's siblings: Emmett—the protective,

funny, big brother. Rosalie, Emmett's wife—the most beautiful person I have ever seen—

who also has a surprising talent and love for fixing up cars, which would explain her

presence in the multiple car garage working on Edward's Volvo. I didn't learn much about

Alice's husband, Jasper, except that he's like a brooding movie star.

The first person I met at school was James. He had light-brown hair, and

nondescript features, but still an overall nice guy. I considered him a good friend until he

started asking me out. _After_ I had started dating Edward. Mostly a jealousy thing I think, but

he kept pestering me every chance he got, and pretty quickly whatever I had liked about him

had turned sour. Then his persistence abruptly stopped one day.

A few months went by, and at the end of every school day, when Edward drove me

home in the Volvo, I would sigh with relief that James hadn't asked me out again. He hadn't

even talked to me until I was standing alone on the edge of the dance floor at prom (which

Edward had insisted we go to, much to my horrific dismay).

"Bella?" James appeared at my elbow, and he seemed nervous.

"Yeah?" I sighed, feeling the disdain bubble inside me at what I felt coming.

"I'm really sorry about the way I've been acting towards you and Edward."

_Wow, something had gotten through that thick head of his!_ I thought, surprised.

James smoothly handed me an envelope the moment before Edward came back.

"It's just a little get-together I'm having at my house after graduation. Nothing

scary."

He smiled at me before leaving me alone with Edward, who handed me my drink.

"I think he _finally_ realized how slim his chances are." Edward whispered.

My heart spluttered and I jumped slightly at his breath in my ear and, chuckling at

my reaction, he kissed the top of my head.

Graduation came and went, and before I knew it the time had arrived for James'

party. After buttoning my jeans I reached for my favorite shirt: dark blue, sleeveless, with

eyelet lace. I pulled my long, straight, dark brown hair into a loose ponytail, and then

grabbed a jacket as I headed downstairs. Miserable weather is never-ceasing in Forks.

"I'm going dad." I peeked into the living room where Charlie was watching TV.

"Ok Bells, have fun, but don't stay out too late."

I agreed, and then a knock came from the direction of the door, so I headed out.

"Ready to go?" Edward asked me, his hair damp from the light rain falling.

"Yep."

He took my hand, and opened the door for me like always when arrived at the

Volvo. We drove in comfortable silence to James' house which was on the outskirts of Forks

in a heavily wooded area. As soon as we knocked on the front door James opened it, and

seemed happy to see us both there.

"Hey guys! Thanks for coming."

"Uh, yeah. I'm sure it'll be loads of fun."

Edward noticed the lack of enthusiasm in my voice, and he squeezed my hand gently.

"Well, come in and make yourselves at home!" James said, smiling widely.

We mingled with a few people before I noticed that I didn't really know anybody

here. It appeared that none of my usual school friends received invitations.

"Hey, you guys thirsty?" James suddenly appeared at my side.

Edward and I nodded, and the two cups James was holding were handed to us.

We sipped our drinks in silence for a while, and then Edward made a weird face.

"What's wrong? Are you feeling ok?" I asked in concern.

"I feel strange." He said. "I think I need some fresh air."

"You don't look so great. Maybe we should just go home."

James pushed his way through the crowd of people to where we were sitting.

"Did I hear you guys say you're leaving? But the party just started!"

"Edward's feeling a little under the weather." I informed him.

"Do you both have to leave?" He looked depressed at the thought.

"We came together, and I should probably drive him home, just in case."

"I saw Angela and Ben over there just a second ago, so if you wanted to stay a

little longer, Bella, you could probably catch a ride back home with them."

"I'll be fine Bella. Go have fun with Angela. I know you probably want to spend

some girl time with her."

"Are you sure?" I asked, and he nodded. "Ok, but expect my call in a few minutes."

Edward got to his feet, and lurched like a drunken man outside. I watched him close

the door before I turned to James.

"I just saw Angela with Ben over here."

I walked after James as he led the way through the crowd, but I didn't see my best

girl friend or her boyfriend anywhere.

Beginning to feel uneasy, I felt my intuition spike as we went through a door.

Thinking it was another living area, I felt utterly confused when we were suddenly in an

office. Someone had started music outside, and I could hear the cheers of the crowd. I

squinted in the dark room as the only source of light was the moonlight streaming through a

window.

My vision started to get hazy. _This is weird_, I thought as James pushed me aside

and I heard the lock click on the door.

"You have no idea how long I've planned and waited for this moment." He said.

I opened my mouth to ask him what he was talking about, but suddenly his lips

urgently captured mine, and I felt myself pushed onto the floor. Now my back hurt, my

vision was getting dark around the edges, and James' hands were getting _way_ too friendly.

"No. Stop." I mumbled.

He made shushing noises as he pushed my shirt up, and greedily ran his hands over

my skin. I tried to protest again, but I couldn't form the words. My head throbbed in time

with my heartbeat, but my clouded mind finally caught up with his actions when I felt _way_

too much skin contact going on.

I gathered in a breath to scream, but his right hand roughly covered my mouth. With

his left hand he grabbed both of my wrists and held them high above my head. My legs were

already pinned by his body weight and I started to cry. I couldn't do anything else. Nobody

would come to help me.

How I wished that I had gone with Edward when he left. I cried harder when I

thought of him; he would never want to touch me again. I already felt dirty, and unclean as

my body protested in ways my words could not. The pain crashed into me over and over in

waves of every kind of unimaginable torment.

Aware of everything James was doing now, I shut myself down. I wouldn't think

about it. He wouldn't get _any_ response out of me; I wouldn't give him the satisfaction. So

in my mind I floated away. I imagined that I had left with Edward, and that his sickness had

all been an act so we could leave early. The only thing I heard was the comforting and

familiar purr of the Volvo as we raced back to my house.

Then James roughly gripped my chin and unpleasantly jerked me back to reality.

"Well I hope you enjoyed it. I know _I_ did." I could hear the smugness in his voice

as he brutally punched me in the jaw, and I saw stars, barely aware of the damage his class

ring had done to my face. I felt him release me and heard him walk back to the door. He

unlocked it, and before he left he said one last thing to me:

"He'll never want you again." He said confidently, and then I fainted.

That was over 3 months ago, and no one had seen him since. Charlie, also the

chief of police, had every person on the force looking for James, but to no avail.

So here I sat in my room, waiting for justice, hoping to be healed of the pain.

James was wrong, Edward still wanted me, but I couldn't bear to let anyone touch

me again. It happened months ago, but it was still fresh in my mind: After I came to, I found

a phone and called Edward's sister, Alice. We had become close friends, and I knew that she

would take care of me. I didn't want to see Edward so soon after it happened; I knew I

wouldn't be able to face him.

Edward blamed himself for what happened to me; he thought it was his fault since

he left me—even though James had drugged both of our drinks before handing them to us—

but I knew the fault lay with me alone. It always led back to how everything I did was wrong,

but now it had started to hurt other people.

The only solution I could think of to end the pain and suffering of everyone, was to end

my life. I wouldn't cause anyone any more pain, and I would be free; I would be clean again.

The scars from James' attack, both mental and physical, would always be a part of

me, and I didn't know for sure if I could tolerate the pain any longer.

When Alice brought me home that night I had showered for over 3 hours. I scrubbed

at my skin until I couldn't feel the rawness of it any longer, but it wasn't until the water started

to turn red with my blood that I realized what I was doing.

I shuddered at the reminder as I sat on my bed in my most comfortable pair of

sweats, and combed my hair with shaking hands. My insides ached at the vivid memory.

"Bella?" I heard Edward's voice, muffled by my bedroom door. "Can I come in?"

"Sure." I replied, no inflection in my dead voice.

Edward, the boy who still loved me, entered my room, and pulled the old rocking

chair by my window over to my bed so he could sit near me, but still far enough away that I

wouldn't freak out at his proximity.

"They found James." He gazed into my eyes, gauging my reactions, my emotions.

"Where? What happened?" I let out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding.

"It looks like he committed suicide. Pieces of his car washed up on First Beach."

"He…killed himself by driving off the cliff?" My voice felt raw, and scratchy.

"Yes." He gave me a grim smile. "_Some_ justice was served, even if he deserved

an indefinitely harsher punishment for every thing he put you through."

The darkness pulled me under, but only for a moment. When I resurfaced all I saw

was Edward's face. I took his hand tentatively, and he looked at me so lovingly, but I could

barely hold his gaze. What does he still see in me? This fragile broken body I inhabit seems

so lost without him, but I realize he is the only thing keeping me alive. Keeping me _here_.

Edward—my reason for living—without whose love I would surely die, but with it

I know I can undoubtedly live forever.


End file.
